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     My last conversation with him was reminiscing about school days. We both were so excited to get back in touch and looked forward to some sort of reunion to see each other at again. He was always a joker with me. I had taken auto shop with him for two years and in those final years of school we became super close. He was one of the absolute best guys I had ever met or had the honor to have in my life. We rebuilt a mustang motor together…I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that some guy shot him dead. It is just so crazy stupid it feels like a dream or a very bad facebook prank.

      We toured a school our senior year while in auto mechanics. Strange thing about that trip I only remember Gary being there because most of that trip we were together joking, dreaming, and showing up the rest of the class. OK, OK we thought we were showing up the rest of them….we were the clown posse. He made that class bearable because I was the only girl there…and well he helped me fit in. He was a great friend and support for me. Some of the guys, sometimes they made me feel inferior to them because I was a girl and fixing cars were for guys. They might not have meant to make me feel that way but they did. Not Gary. He would joke that I signed up for the class because I had a secret crush on him. Or he’d joke I signed up due to another crush on someone else. He was always joking about me being a girl in the class but he always reassured me when we’d have an assignment together that he thought it was very cool I was in the class.

     I remember one time we were told by Jim Cushing to change the oil in this car. So Gary drove the car into the garage and put it on the lift. I was such an airhead that day I had forgot to put the pan to catch the draining oil underneath the darn thing before I took the plug out. Well needless to say Gary and I were drenched in oil that day. The whole time rushing around trying to get the pan under the draining oil laughing at the fact I forgot such a simple task. Man those were the best years of my school experience and Gary is a dominate memory in them. I was blessed to have had him back then.

      I loved all of Gary. But there were a few things I loved most that I looked forward to experiencing again when I made a trip into my hometown for the reunion. One was his great smile. It was infectious! The other was his sense of humor…he kept things light. We had a lot of classes together but auto mechanics was the best one.

     It is going to be very hard walking in that reunion with Gary gone…he was one in particular I wanted to catch up with again. He has been the third friend from my class that has left me before I got to meet up with them one more time in person. Life just isn’t the way it is supposed to be. Things haven’t turned out the way they should have been…he was taken too soon…it was a mistake…and now it’s too late and there is no going back.

      I miss you Gary. I can’t wait to see you again when we can have our reunion on the other side bro. I will remember you always! 2012

The Look

I’m sinking fast
Emotional turmoil from you
I want to be free
But I’m trapped
I feel life sliding through my hands
As I sit motionless
with tears on my face
I said I’d never give in
I promised I’d stay to try
All you seem to do to me
Is make me want to cry
I know I dreamed an image of you
Far away in my mind
Where you really wanted me,
and we’d happily grow old
The lie crushes my soul
The look in your eyes say it all
I only ever wanted a family
Like the one I never …
Now I have to say it is all too bad…
Love withering inside
No longer we can hide
The look says it all..
It is there in your eyes…

Tumbling, tumbling

Tumbling, tumbling
down we go
empire in dissension
the people glancing for some sort of
redemption
the starving children
living under the bridge
clinching the bosom
of a thinning mother
who works part time
in the warm cafe
serving the coffee
and baking the sweets
she only asks for some sort of relief
from the streets
where a fire can warm them
and a bed shall relieve
the pain in her bones
and protection from thieves
they came and stole her prized possession
her home of dignity, protection and love
storm clouds are rolling high above
tumbling, tumbling
down we go
empire in dissension
folks looking for some sort of redemption
the sick and demented
living under the bridge
his mind is broken for all he gives
his soul he sold to a military machine
for weeks he’s craved to be nothing but clean
but the voices haunt him
the war was a crime
It left him empty and scarred inside
where peace once existed
and love led the way
now he fights to survive
day to day
as the empire crumbles
tumbling…tumbling

I Want Out

I am like a fish out of water
I can’t breathe when you’re around
Shhh…what is that sound?
It is me gasping for life
Outside you and me
I’m like a bird who wants to be free
Emotional roller coaster
I just want off
Shhh…what is that sound?
It’s me throwing up
All this up and down
and all around
has made me nauseated
will it ever end?
You smother my life
My very existence
I need some form of resistance
I got to get out alive
Before the straw gives
You never really loved me
You were just afraid to be alone
You felt you had to man up
Hold some sort of score
Your conscious you ignore
The inner voice that is telling you to go
Well I want out
I want to be free
I want the freedom to think for myself
and choose what is best for me

Edge Of The Unknown

You can’t love me
Telling me what to do
Telling me what I should say
Already locked my heart away
You can’t understand me
I’m all fucked up inside
Scattered rage in my mind
Detached from love
So I’m safe from the pain
An image I sustain
Happy in your world
Alone in my own
The path is long
and it’s been so cold
I’ve been all alone
Standing on the edge of the unknown

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